>>> "streamofconchiness" 9/12/2006 10:19 AM >>>
I had bad insomnia one morning at about 2 or 3am and sat down to write this draft e-mail. It amused me no end and caused me to laugh, and laugh (actually out loud) at my insanity at that time of the morning. The draft was as a result of my friend's response to me (see his e-mail below) after I e-mailed him how anxious I was, due to the fact that I was going to rent a standard shift car in Italy (hadn't driven a stick in a million years). I responded to his instructional e-mail (a stick shift driving reminder), saying I didn't recall his #3 instruction; that I remembered an entirely different procedure (easing on the gas). To which he again e-mailed me, saying "#3 was a joke. If you did this you would burn rubber."
So the draft is as a result of his saying it was a joke. The following is his instructional e-mail (with my comment imbedded in red in parenthesis after #3), and then my drafted e-mail follows his e-mail (which I never ended up sending him, by the way, because it was so idiotic).
bob wrote: >(and my comments are inserted in red)
"C,
Standard shift - piece of cake. >
1. Engage clutch >
2. Shift transmission into first gear >
3. Depress gas pedal to the floor > (to the floor? I only remember gently depressing while simultaneously lifting clutch until it caught;) >
4. Pop the clutch and the heads will turn...
Will work on Sept. dates. >
Enjoy trip and R E L A X. Life's too short..
_______________________________________________
[Draft E-mail (supposedly written by Stream's Toscany companion who has returned to the USA and is looking at Stream's computer and e-mail)]:
Original Message: >----------------- >
From: streamofconchi >
Date: Tue, 01 Aug 2006 21:05:14 -0400 >
To: bob >
Subject:
August 4, 2006
I'm writing this on Conchi's behalf after seeing your e-mail message on her computer. She followed your instructions regarding #3 explicitly, despite my pleas not to (said her friend had helped her out with those instructions, and said she had to follow them precisely -- she takes things literally). Now I find out it was a joke!!!! Did you read the newspapers?
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
La Nazione
"Mystery terrorist woman drives her car, moments after renting it, into a wall at Roma Internacionale Aeroporto, setting off a series of explosions throughout the airport and surrounding area. An intense ball of fire could be seen as far as France and Spain. Acquaintances who were interviewed were shocked; said she always seemed to be a nice woman; kept to herself. Despite her strangeness, they would never have believed it of her."
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Actually, I, her passenger, narrowly escaped liquefaction by hurling myself moments before impact down a chute, which brought me down the four flights in seconds. It was actually a miracle!!!!
Stream's Friend
_______________________________________________________
Just some additional information for you. Bob was my teenage boyfriend, whom I lost touch with, googled and located after about a zillion years, and was attempting to schedule a reunion meetup in September (after my return from Tuscany). How could I possibly send him this fractured draft e-mail and let him know that my brain had only additionally deteriorated since last he'd seen me. You have no idea how the word liquefaction had me bubbling over, again and again, with laughter. Ball of fire being seen in France and Spain was pretty far out too. I really might benefit from some serious counselling.
No comments:
Post a Comment