Audition as Wine Tasting Hostess

After having my friend, Olivia, hostess a wine tasting party, I thought I would try to convince my wine guru friend, Bryan, that I was a good candidate to hostess his next wine tasting party. Bryan had some very heavy wine connoisseurs attending his parties. Very well versed and well respected wine collectors. With wine parties in mind, I told Olivia that I was really cut to the quick at the fact that Bryan didn't even consider using my premises for his recent wine tasting success at her place. It would have been such a motivator for me to unpack/clean my apartment. Wouldn't the apartment upstairs with the terrace be nice for such a get-together. I wouldn't have embarrassed Bryan. He didn't have to worry. i would have been very careful not to say the wrong thing. I probably would do the following:

I would just yell over, "Hey, yoh!! Oh, little wine nerd sitting on the end. No, not you; the cute one on the end with the blond hair on the sides, and the bald, shiny top. Why don'cha pass down that yellow stuff there. I hope it's not sour. Then send that, there prune-colored stuff down right after. No, no, i don't need another glass. I'll just mix it with the yellow stuff. Wow!! Look at the cool color when you mix them!!! Can I have some ice, Bryan? Yeah, just pack it in there. Legs??!! What legs? What are you talking about? I have a long skirt on! Finish? I ain't finished till the glass is empty. I won't be finished until I taste every dam one of these little suckers. Yeah!!! I am gonna get so blasted on this stuff. $400 a bottle!!? You got ta be kidding. Send it on down here! Hey, don't be so stingy!!! Fill it up to the top, you nerd. In fact, I have this over-sized latte cup here that I just drank coffee from. No, I don't need to wash it; why don'cha fill the cup up to the tippy top. To the top, you dope! What are you saving it for?? Yikes!!! This is like dish water!!! How am I suppos'd to get blasted on this stuff???? What are you writing there? What did you say? Bouquet? Well, at least one of you is in the real world and has some brains. Where are the flowers? I love flowers. Gimme here, I'll put them on my terrace. You guys have to lighten up. You're a bunch of stiffs!!!! It's like you have a broomstick rammed up your ass. God, I would think all this booze would do the trick. You probably need heavy drugs instead of liquor. Oh, dam! Why did you put the glass there? It fell against the others and caused a domino effect. How many glasses am I gonna have to sweep up? Dam, look at all that glass!! I hope I don't cut my feet on all the glass. 'Belch'!!!!"

Wouldn't that type of get-together be real exciting and fun, and make you real popular in the wine-tasting world? I just love thinking about it. I could really help you become a real success!!!!